America's War on Fatties

Well, you win America. I'm going on a diet.

It's not that I'm happy being overweight. I'm quite unhappy about the way I look. I hate that I get winded when I have to run up and down the stairs for various reasons. The pain in my back, feet and knees tells me that something needs to change, and quickly. I also know that my weight issues can contibute to Diabetes, high blood pressure, and heart attacks, and having two young children, I would like to be around for a while to see them finish growing up, and to not force them to continue that growing without a father. But make no mistake, America, you have made this more of a necessity than previously thought.

For instance, there is a bigotry inherent in this country, propagated by the beautiful people. Every few months, news programs run stories on how fat Americans are getting, showing heavy people in a terrible light. The subjects of these stories are filmed in ill-fitting clothing, eating food deemed "bad", and shown from angles that are less than flattering. These "news" pieces are on par with the films of Leni Riefenstahl, making fat people seem like a blight upon society. And constantly in these pieces, reporters love to get nutritionists and health nuts to give the latest statistics about how many more fat folks there are than there have ever been.

The irony of that is the fact that retail stores refuse to carry clothes for people my size. The major department stores seem to think that everyone falls within a very small range of sizes, and if the clothes don't fit, tough luck. Some still have a Plus Size section, but all too often the fashionable clothing for the skinny folks is conspicuously missing, replaced by button-down shirts with bad patterns, jeans that went out of fashion in the late seventies, and polo shirts in colors that I wouldn't be caught dead in. As my mother used to complain that clothes makers believed that all heavy women wore muumuus, I find that those same clothiers honestly believe that all heavy men want to dress like the participants of a seniors' golf outing.

Now, they can get around this by claiming that there are plenty of big and tall stores out there for us to go to for clothes, and with the advent of online retailers, there should be no issue. However, where I work, I have to wear a white, button-down dress shirt. Such a shirt is easy to find, unless you're a big fellow like myself. And for me to go to a big and tall store means paying more money than I have just to get clothes for work. Unfair as it may be to me, the retailers get what they want: Fewer fatties in their stores making them unattractive to their target shoppers.

I would call for a boycott of those stores, but I realize several things. First is that fact that there are too many items I need to go to those stores for. Second is the fact that a boycott really, in the end, does no good. Sure, if a real movement could be formed, then it might bring attention to the issue. However, they still have the upper hand, because free enterprise allows them to distribute only that which they want to sell. And they know that we'll be back at some point, because we rely upon them.

Of course, there are the reality shows to point out just how much happier we would all be if we were like everyone else. Whether it's something as simple as a makeover show or a competition where contestants see how much more weight they can lose, the experts hammer it into these poor fools' minds that they should change how they are. Yes, there are health benefits, but those health benefits are merely added to make the people behind these shows seem more benevolent. Deep down, they just want everyone to join with them a be a member of their race. Sign up and live longer, healthier...and more attractive to the general population.

So this is it, America. I give up! I'll play your little game. Better eating and exercise, so that I might finally join your exclusive club.

But touch my liquor, and we'll have words.